If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
