I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
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Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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