Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
