hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
