Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
