i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
