I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
not ubering you a puppy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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