we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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