I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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