I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
