Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
