how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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