No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How does it feel to date your dad?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
