made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
