he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
