I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
