My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
worst night to have a conscience
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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