UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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