i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I look better un-naked...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Alive.
So much puke
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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