did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
they're like a gay fantastic four
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
