you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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