the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
