I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize