yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
