U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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