I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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