No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
well you can't waste a boner
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
