alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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