you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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