Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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