We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
