I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
