I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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