apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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