my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize