I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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