she woke up with a sticky ear
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she peed on how many people?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize