somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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