She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
