Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
