Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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