His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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