i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
