found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
