What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
