Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
