sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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