Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
