to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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