im six kinds of drunk right now
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
