He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
