So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
