My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
