All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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