hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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