went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
