her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
