i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
