Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
