I wish my penis had an off switch
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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