You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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