if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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