You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
