dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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