There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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