My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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