okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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