okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize