im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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