Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
