This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
