sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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