Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
