she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
