Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
