Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
