i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
