I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
