The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
