Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
