I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
