I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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