i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
