I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
